Live Broadcasts R4 Other People

Hullo again. Crikey, what happened to April? (Don’t worry – I know what blogs are like. One day I’ll be writing “Crikey, what happened to the last three years?”)

   Anyway I thought it best to prepare a bit of explanation ahead of the inevitable “car crash” episode of a podcast I’ve been appearing on -"think/RANT" - with two very dear friends, Johnathan Stabler and Steve Brett. Well, maybe not dear friends but we get on very well indeed. Maybe not very well but we’re polite to each other. Okay, we’re a trio of belligerent spite monkeys but we enjoy mulling over the week’s news in a great podcast called “think/rant” which I joined from episode 23.

   The thing is ... it’s recorded live. And it’s available for live streaming.

   This has two very important ramifications. Firstly, there is no editing so I would ask any listener to imagine our chat, banter and repartee to be at least 35% funnier and more professional than it first appears. Maybe even 38%. We should take out the awkward silences, fumbled words, talking over each other and general twatty behaviour but I don’t have the first clue how. I don’t think Steve will be too upset if I refer to John as the technical brains behind the operation. If John sat down to edit the thing he would – and I’m paraphrasing here – “take about ten hours fine-tuning a one hour bloody podcast because I’m a little bit of an OCD control freak. And I have a new baby. Cut me some slack, Trev. Jesus.”

   Or something like that. I don’t remember it all. Bit scary.

   Secondly, there is no editing. If that sounds to you a little bit like point one then congratulations – it is, but there is another serious problem. One of the biggest problems with being variously spazzy* is that I can suffer (don’t you hate the martyrdom in that word?) mental as well as physical aberrations. I have believed bizarre crap while hypoing. I have behaved like an aggressive/ weepy/ terrified idiot for no explicable reason. I have had a phone call whereupon the recipient had time to drive over and treat my hypo while I maintained the hallucinatory conversation with them long after they had hung up (it’s very alarming to tell somebody not to interrupt you because you’re still on the phone – with them).

   The point is that some kind of disaster is fairly inevitable at some point but I will delay it for as long as possible. High blood sugar is the least likely time to have any problems (though a sudden drop from high to less-high is still a problem for me) so I engineer a bit of high blood sugar 8-9 every Thursday night. It means I have to usually top up with a small dose of insulin and stay up a bit later moderating it but I enjoy the hour so it’s worth the kerfuffle. 

   So this entry is for anybody hoping to enjoy think/rant and understand what’s going on; for anybody I may have upset or offended with awful comments or outlandish behaviour; for anybody who enjoys watching formula one only for the crashes and hopes to listen for a similar reason. 

   I may, of course, say something that offended you and truly mean it. I have lots of patience for most people most of the time (I can’t afford not to, to be fair) but the podcast is where we give opinion full reign – that is the point. There’s a good chance I will be annoying somebody (though not purposefully offensive I hope) with sane and well-thought argument but I might just as likely be out of my tree. 

   That’s my (main) problem and hopefully it won’t ruin the podcast. I think a podcast, though, is where my limit lies on “live” performance. If you know how to download a pocast (or indeed, what the Hell a podcast is) then you pretty much know what you’re going to get. A radio broadcast or similar is something people can whine about with greater authority, I believe. So here it is. My standing apology for if (or when) the condition of my conditions leads me to have a brainfart of some kind.

   Don’t forget you can contact the podcast if you have any questions, leave a comment here or at think/RANT’s blog page. I, of course, expect there to be no reply whatsoever until I have an “episode” on an episode.

   See you then. 

*It’s a reclamation of the word, okay? It’s worth doing don’t you think? Cerebral Palsy, spastic colon, Parkinson’s disease, epilepsy and a bunch of other disorders causing spasms or spasticity (for both of which the term “Spaz” has been applied) have been limited by language and need to reclaim it. The “OUCH” BBC radio show is doing a good job with similar words and should be congratulated for it. People are either terrified to talk to a “fitter” for fear of causing offence or are happy to call them “Spaz” as a powerful condemnation. Screw that.

Religions R4 the Religious

Hi, everybody (I say everybody – I mean several ... I say several – I mean both ... I say both ...). Come in, have a seat. I’d offer you a biscuit but even if I had successfully fit all of that last one in the computer I don’t think it would have arrived in an edible state. How have you been? Have you done something different with your hair? It looks gorgeous.

   So, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? I’ve been very busy. I’m sure you’ve been busier but then I’m very, very lazy (I pronounce it “ill” – my partner assures me it’s spelt L.A.Z.Y).

   It’s been a while since I posted anything, right? Well, I have been studying a (part-time obviously) course that lasted eleven weeks so that’s the excuse I’m using. I’ve contributed (is “contributed” the right word for someone who arrives, slags off, talks crap and giggles for an hour?) to a podcast called think/rant. You might want to check it out and even post a review on iTunes. Unless you hate it in which case let’s just both pretend it didn’t happen.

   I’ve got at least one future appearance booked where I intend to rip founder host John a new metaphorical arsehole about the comfortably nihilistic view of Determinism (and hopefully we’ll have another “Religion is a force for good: discuss” rant – I like those) but for now if you want to pretend like you’re in a pub with three poorly informed creepy gob-shites then get episode 23 now. You won’t/will/may regret it (delete as applicable).

   Finally I’d like to remind everybody about their census forms (a day late but come on – you haven’t got around to it either, have you?). In 2001 we all thought we’d be a bit clever and put Jedi on our forms to point out the insanity of insisting that people must identify with a religion. Apparently more of us did that than identified as Hindu but I can’t find the stats so it may be an urban myth (my Google-Fu isn’t up to it – wait ... is Google-Fu another religion?).

   I’d just like to point out something to everybody who doesn’t go to church, doesn’t believe that Christ died for our sins, rose on the third day etc. Please tick the “no religion” box. Don’t worry – they won’t take Christmas away from us. They won’t stop Easter. You can identify culturally as a Christian to oppose things like Sharia law. Sure, I can see that. But you don’t have to line up with Christianity to do it. There is no external benefit to being a Christian.

   Faith schools are not the panacea for education they appear to be, for example. The slightly higher grades they achieve is actually – when you take into account that they refuse admission to “trouble” kids (nice Christian attitude there, by the way) - a lot lower than it should be. The more dogmatic a church is the less charitable it is (if you dismiss donations to churches and pressure groups – as you should).

    You don’t have to call yourself a Christian to be a good person. Look at you – you’re lovely.

   I know only the die-hards have sent their forms back already. It’s only the couldn’t-really-care-lesses left. I hope you do care a bit though. Anglican bishops in the House of Lords are still ruling our lives. Religious dogma stops sensible compassionate laws like assisted suicide, global sex education* and contraception being promoted. Help to take away their unearned legitimacy. We’re not trying to take away their churches or their lovely hats. They can keep them.

   Believe what you want. Don’t tick a box out of fear. Cheers.

*although I’m not entirely sure what global sex is. I’d love to try it.

Soft subjects R4 the bin?

Wow.

   So they did it. They actually did it.

   The British Government has voted to extend the cap on tuition fees (in England only – Wales and Scotland found the money elsewhere) to £9,000 per year. F#(kers. Almost all of them.

   Here is my biggest problem with the vote, the coverage in the media and the generally projected “mood of the nation”...

   Whenever a “man in the street” or a “didn’t he used to be-“celebrity on some panel show is asked about the situation, desperate to appear middle-of-the-road they decry the violent minority, applauding the intellectual students who kept their heads. They suggest paring away soft subjects like “David Beckham Studies” and subsidising “useful” degrees. They suggest that maybe this government isn’t legitimate, yeah? Right on. Then they shut up and look for the next story about a cat in a bin.

   To all these blethering dickwads spewing such arse from their facecracks I have to suggest that they shut the frog up and possibly ... go frog themselves.

   HOW DARE ANYBODY* suggest what types of education consist useful or beneficial use of time? Scientific research can't only go after "useful" subjects. You don't know if it is useful until you've done it. That's what research is.

   Subjects such as History, Philosophy, Sociology and Journalism are all seen as soft options but ALL of them have a vital part in ensuring that the country as a whole is not lied to. At least not successfully lied to. These four subjects all involve teaching a skill-set of analysing data provided and dismissing unwarranted conclusions (obviously not all students will necessarily gain these skills).

   Fully qualified doctors can fall prey to dreadful data analysis that can lead them to piss away their careers on alternative medicine. A single semester on the Philosophy of science would have steered them clear of such fallacies.

   News channels keep reporting about the surprising amount of non students on the marches lately. Any attention paid by a worthwhile graduate of Journalism or Sociology (insert joke here) would be able to point out that current students will be largely unaffected by the changes. It is the students of the future – children – who should be protesting, but obviously and thankfully others have taken on that burden.

   These “utterly useless” degrees like David Beckham Studies are usually tabloid fables. If anything, they are only poorly titled modules on a course with a little more weight.

   Students of all four of the above disciplines (but particularly History) will be able to tell you that once such a cull of apparently “useless” subjects has happened it will be next to impossible to bring them back. If these subjects are left underfunded they will be the province of the idiot rich (who, historically, would enter the priesthood and, currently, take English degrees**) and the rigour they currently enjoy would dissipate, leaving them the kind of cartoon subjects the tabloids imagine them to be.

   Any numpty on the street can see through Nick Clegg’s pitiful Clegging*** that “we promised to do this if we got into power but we didn’t so we’re not.” The LibDems were never going to get into outright power, nor did we expect it – we expected pledges to be a statement of behaviour to be followed in parliament and we were not wrong to do so. The excuse “we didn’t know how bad it was” makes Clegg either a liar or inept. They might as well have promised us flying cars and sex robots.

   Before politicians, with their economics and politics degrees, decide to flail about through the wreckage of this country’s education system they should look at their own qualifications. Both those degrees are essentially fiscal or political History, but seen through a single filter – the leading theory (or possibly theories) of the day. Intellectually empty exercises. If an Economic or Political theory were viable it would be able to predict events. It can’t.

   Actually the only politician I can think of who foresaw the current state of affairs – where promises made could be horse traded with the Tories until the Liberals get their voting referendum – was Nick Clegg. The clever, devious bastard. “Have some sex robots. Oh, actually now that I’m here they look dangerous. I’m not sticking my cock in that thing. No sex robots – and it’s for your own good.”

   And he studied Social Anthropology.

*Oops. Shouting. Sorry about that.

**Sorry. Couldn’t resist. It seems that the Human Resources departments of large companies are run by typical English graduate types - “I got a degree, therefore, I am clever. What is your degree? ... Shit, it actually sounds intellectual. Can’t have you sniffing around my desk.”

***to Clegg; to excuse the indefensible. “Sorry I had to piss in your mouth but in these tough economic times one has to seize opportunities – your mouth was open and my bladder was full.” (Thanks to Charlie Brooker)