Illnesses R4 soft girls

I'm not very well.
   I can't even be bothered to post a self-aggrandising message to myself on my own blog. Why should I? Nobody's reading (hello btw - obviously got that bit wrong).
   It occurred to me, however, that this is a good opportunity to write one of those "Crikey but it's complicated being a spaz" posts. This can be a point of reference for any time in the future when I am ill. Hello. If you are reading this then I am most likely coughing/sweating/sneezing/vomiting/randomly and/or explosively evacuating myself. Poor Trev. Man flu probably (patronising git).
   Thing is, none of these symptoms are the problem I have to worry about. Or even being ill. Illness is not a problem for someone on insulin. Wellness is the problem. When one is ill, blood sugars go up. This is actually as true of non-diabetics as it is of me but the scale is different. Illnesses pushes a diabetic's blood sugar level (the level of sugar in the blood - does what it says on the tin there) to crazy high numbers. Unfortunately, in order for a diabetic's already compromised immune system to fight off illness they need to control their sugars. So here's the thing...

   I need to inject more insulin than normal to properly recover from the thing that's making me ill.

   While ill I am far more likely to fall ill with other illnesses - my already buggered immune system being even further compromised.

   Eventually I will recover.

   That last point sounds like a good thing - and it is - but I have no idea when wellness will arrive. When it does arrive I won't need all that extra insulin in my system. But it will still be in there. Because I will have put it there.
   So the weight I have thankfully lost in being "all unwell and that" will come back in an orgy of mars bars or biscuits when a massive, massive hypo hits (you remember hypos, yeah? First post. Low blood sugar - very dangerous).
   There we have it. "Guy on sickness benefits actually admits to being afraid of wellness". Call the Daily Mail. Tell George Osborne he isn't quite the tool he appears to be*. "Unwell bloke feels sorry for self on Blog!"
   Still. Come on. That's what they're for.


*Of course he is. Just look at him.

Diabetics R4 Logic

   It'a great thing to be a skeptic. A skeptic holds no belief that they are not prepared to defend in a logical argument. We tend to abandon beliefs that prove to be flawed and although we might react like a startled walrus if our own opinions re proved wrong we will ultimately be grateful for the truth. It's a wonderful thing to be able to gather together with like-minded people and although a church wouldn't really be suitable, a church would also serve fewer beers so I think Cardiff skeptics in the pub has it about right.
   But I've asked myself, "self, I wonder what would be the best way to create a skeptic."
   "Oh," I would reply, "Butt, thass norra question, is it, mun? Thassa statement," (my answering self obviously has a broader valleys twang than my asking self), "an' anyway, iss obvious, innit?"
   Clearly the best way to create a skeptic is to train someone to use critical thinking as though their life depended on it. Perhaps in some elaborate "Saw" movie-type-shenanegans we could force somebody to analyse every aspect of their life and kill them if they fail.
   Analyse what you do, what you eat and drink, what medication you take, what exercise you participate in, what rest you get and all the sensory input you receive in case it is deceiving you. And if you get it wrong you die.
   That would do it.
   But of course there already is something out there doing that for us - type one diabetes. We skeptics don't need to torture anybody (Hooray/Gutted - delete as applicable). Yes, I'm banging on about diabetes again. That's a hundred percent hit rate so far but bear with me. I have a theory that type one diabetes necessarily leads to intelligent analysis and I've invented a brilliant new compound word for it.
  The Dialysis theory (brilliantly combining the two essential elements of the theory and eerily foreshadowing the inevitable organ failure that a lifetime on insulin will eventually deliver).
   Having proposed this theory it makes me realise two things.One; I can no longer be quite so chuffed with myself that I saw through the fallacies of religion, pseudo-science and poor journalism unaided, and two; skeptics should really be targeting diabetic clinics for potential members.
   Seriously.
   Type two diabetics wouldn't be so predisposed to analytical thinking and (as they are more likely to be elderly and clinging to comforting beliefs as their condition slides toward death) shouldn't really be targeted for debate. Do you think a munter would really appreciate your advice that an interesting hat might draw attention away from their face?
   ...
   In case you're unsure, the answer is no. No, they wouldn't. Stop being a bugger, you know they wouldn't.
   But type one diabetics? Surely there lies a massive untapped skeptical audience. Next time I'm at my diabetic clinic and I see a young(ish) person I might strike up a conversation with them. We already have one thing in common - I'm writing checks with my stomach my pancreas can't cash, same as them. They must have analytical skill to have survived to this stage and if not, well ... I guess they won't be there to remind me of my mistake next year.
   For all the (both the...? The one...?) "not-skeptic-yet-if-ever"s that read this: if Astrology winds you up; if Derek Acorah seems like a camp but polite thief of money from the deluded and joy from the informed; if the Pape (hey, if it's "Papal" then he's the bloody "Pape". Just because "Popal" sounds stupid is no reason to mess with grammar) seems like the world's best advert for contraception then please check out some skeptical web-sites, blogs or podcasts. Maybe I'll post some links.
   We're not a weird group of freaks, losers, nutters and... hold on.If you can get to the Promised Land in Cardiff on the third Monday of every month and you are even vaguely interested in science, logic, reason. evidence and such then come and hang out with the nicest weird group of freaks, losers, nutters...

Welcome to they'refor...

   Hello.
   Do come in. Have a seat. Can I get you a coffee? Make yourself comfortable. Now then, let's get started.
   I will try and briefly explain the complicated (yet boring) medical problems I'm faced with and how I try to deal with them.
...
   What? You look uneasy.
   If you are a polite friend trying to appear supportive/never going to meet me (or care about my survival)/looking for porn then of course you are welcome to skip this blog and shuffle for the door with nothing but my best wishes and a slightly burnt tongue from rushing your coffee (you asked for it, you're drinking it). For those interested parties/compassionate humans/potential collaborators or employers/masochists still reading - thank you. I will try to be as succinct as possible.
   I'm a type one diabetic with epilepsy who has also had brain surgery. This combination causes a lot of annoying problems but two are more troublesome than all the rest combined.
   Firstly, I just can't seem to join a sufficiently appropriate support group. Of course I tried to set one up in my home town. Diabetic Epileptics who've had Brain Surgery or DEBS for short. I managed to find another two members but as neither one was either diabetic, epileptic or had brain surgery they didn't really meet the application criteria. I tried to stop their admittance but as Debra and Debbie pointed out "this is the inaugural meeting and sixty six percent of us think you should shut up and make the tea, spaz-features". Yes, it's unfair, but that's democracy for you.
   The second (and admittedly more serious) problem is that I am prone to a huge variety of different fits from a fairly wide range of causes. I won't list them in this post (I'll save them for some later date - you lucky reader; you know you'll be back) but whatever fit or bizarre behaviour or sudden mood swing I may experience the only thing I really need to be on the lookout for - the thing that is most likely to actually hurt me - is a hypo.
   A hypo is a diabetic thing; too much insulin and not enough sugar (but I thought that insulin is a life saving drug-it is but it's very dangerous- and I thought diabetics weren't supposed to have sugar - yes, but that's a different type of diabetes - this is all a bit confusing, isn't it? - don't worry, it gets worse) so whatever you may see me doing that's very weird the thing I need to be watching for is a hypo.
   If you are ever interested in saving a person's life (and why wouldn't you be? I'm told it's a wonderful feeling even if the life you've saved is that of a fairly pointless middle-aged mental) then watching out for my health might be your bag. If not then my mid-hypo antics can be very entertaining, so I'm told, so you might still want to keep an eye out. If my behaviour worries you then you could suggest that I should test my blood sugar level (a very easy procedure done on a small electrical unit that looks like a remote for an internal device I might have purchased at Ann Summers (it isn't, don't worry (I broke that device ages ago (oh crap, I've over parenthesised)))).
   So that's basically it. I may have a hypo in front of you should we ever meet - in fact, it's quite likely that I will have some kind of episode but a hypo is the scary one. I should test my blood and, if necessary, eat sugar. I'll have a mars bar or fruit pastilles or something similar on me - I always do. It's a tiny bit of information but useful to tell the paramedics if I should fall unconscious around you. Diabetic, Hypo.
   The more people that know that much about me the safer I will become. Yes, that means you are now a part of my support network. No, the Benefits Agency will not pay you anything for the service but you will receive a lovely warm feeling inside (if not, drink some more coffee. See? Warm feeling).
   So there's the point of it all; telling people about myself in a blog but for a reason other than rampant narcissism. Not that I dismiss such motivations. I may well post again very soon with the sole intention of venting my splenetic fury as though anybody gave a cup of warm p!$$. And why shouldn't I use a blog for such a purpose? Isn't that what they're for?